I Wonder

I wonder, in the measuring of my days, if the universe will nod in approval for the life I lived.

I wonder if my children will know how immeasurably they are loved, and if they will only welcome people in their life who adore them fully and properly, and who hold them with the esteem of an unearthly magical creature (because that’s what they deserve, and absolutely nothing less).

I wonder if spring is ever going to flipping come already, and I wonder if I’ll ever remember that every February brings a winter angst to my heart.  Every one.

I wonder if I will remember to say YES to the things that matter and NO to the things that don’t (And I wonder if I will know the difference).

I wonder if I will pick up the phone or schedule that appointment or walk into that room and finally face those things I’m still avoiding, and I wonder if you’ll do the same.

I wonder if I will ever learn not to overcook the meat.

I wonder if I can pull off the epic, improbable, impossible cross-country road trip that I’m currently dreaming and scheming about with my kids for this summer.

I wonder if I come to you to vent and roll my eyes and shout and curse about the fact that my co-worker didn’t answer an email and that driver cut me off in traffic, and then you share that you’re heading out of town to say your final goodbye to a dying parent, well I wonder if you will know that I’m holding your troubled heart in mine, and I wonder if I will know that I’m not an idiot for worrying about the co-worker and the traffic, and I wonder if we will both know that all of us have worries in our days – and some days those worries are “big” and some days they are “small,” but “big” and “small” are relative terms and within the ebb and flow of every day our worries are our worries.

I wonder if I will continue to find the courage to share my most broken places with you, and I wonder if you will feel the comfort and safety to share yours with me.

I wonder if I will ever learn to cherish the present moment as fully and fiercely as I love it in hindsight.

I wonder what the universe has in store for all of us, and I wonder if we can release our relentless pursuit of “knowing” in order to just let the universe do its thing.

Oh, how I sit in wonder as a I wonder. And I wonder if you do, too.

How can you sit in wonder, and wonder, today?